I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
