I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
