I am in a vortex of obligation.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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