I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
