I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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