Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
