she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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