I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
