When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
