and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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