I CAN MOONWALK!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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