chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
