Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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