Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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