Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
