Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
