dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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