I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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