tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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