Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
