Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
