At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
