dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize