my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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