apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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