No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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