She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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