I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
