I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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