So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
