So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
