wakey wakey hands off snakey
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
