I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
