So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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