You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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