There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
