My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize