what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
