Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
