We're facebook friends in real life
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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