I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
