i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
