I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
