my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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