I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
