I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize