I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
