Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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