I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
