When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
