You work out of a Hotel?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
