Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
