I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
