Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
