At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
