I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
