He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
