she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
