she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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