Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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