last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dicks are not precious.
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