Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
