I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
