Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
