I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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