yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
