This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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