You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
