we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize